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Mother Superior Emmanuelle Maygood sat upon her large, elevated chair which made it seem more like a throne. Judith assumed that it was an intended device designed to reinforce in the mind of any Sister attending to the Holy Mother of their positions within the Order. She knelt on one knee before the legend that had saved them all and taught them to look-within.

“Greetings, Holy Mother,” she said, crossing her arms in the salute of the Fallen Cross, a sign of loyalty, submission, and obedience.

Emmanuelle returned the salute with a smile, regally descending from her throne, taking Judith’s hand, raising her to her feet.

“Welcome home, child,” she said as she kissed her with more enthusiasm than any of the others had shown.

Judith blushed slightly but her spirits soared. She was not shocked by such a display by one who was not quite considered a deity but was revered in ways not easily explained to an outsider. Rather, she felt privileged. The Holy Mother  was the architect of all they had become and their unquestioned shepherd through an uncertain future. Without her the Sisterhood as they knew it would not exist and probably would not long endure.

She also could not deny that she was aroused. Passion mingling with the fleeting thought that there was no guarantee she would emerge from this audience alive was intoxicating. Only her fear prevented her from an open acknowledgement of her emotional and physical attraction for the Holy Mother. That her sanctified leader was exceeding attractive, giving the appearance of a slightly matronly but still beautiful middle-age rather than the ninety years or more she was known to be, was no surprise but nonetheless stirring. The aging process for all the Sisters had changed since the Tribulations with many restored to relative youth. Whether this was a function of the Plague or the vaccines which were used to combat it or some other factor entirely was unknown.

Emmanuelle led Judith to her chair. The Mother Superior took her place and motioned for her to sit on the floor facing her.

“It has been too many years since we have seen you. When last you were here you were only a beginning Novitiate.”

Judith looked up at her with remorseful eyes.

“I must confess my failings, Holy Mother. I remain a Novitiate. I know only the life I have now. All others remain hidden from me.”

“I know, child. Don’t let it trouble you. You are not a new soul. I sense within you an incredible complexity, more lives than I have experienced and more interesting ones perhaps.”

“I have tried so hard to access them. I have failed.” She hung her head in shame.

“Do not despair, my child. With some finding the place within arrives easily as a bolt from the sky. With others it comes slowly after years of struggle. No matter how long it may take, if you persist it will happen. I promise you.”

Judith nodded. She did not smile

 “I haven’t found a Sister-Guide,” she admitted. It was a true statement if not entirely revealing. She hesitated to disclose that one not a Sister, or female, had attempted to guide her for the better part of a year without a breakthrough. She feared that the Mother Superior’s reaction to such an outrageous disclosure could be severe, and dangerously unpredictable.

Emmanuelle sensed that something unspoken was bothering her, but she did not suspect the truth. “When you are at the threshold of looking within, finding a Guide may be resolved,” she said after evaluating several possibilities for Judith’s demeanor, all with annoyingly low probabilities. “Should you never find a Guide, do not let this distract you from your efforts. Sometimes a Sister-Guide can be helpful but ultimately it is up to you to make the transition. Often a revelation of a mundane fact from a prior lifetime will open the doorway to total memory without assistance of a Guide.”

“After all these years it has not happened to me despite the encouragement of countless Sisters during meditation and at play.”

“Your eagerness, perhaps desperation to look-within may be the problem that impedes your progress; however, other factors may be involved.”

“Other factors?”

“There are aspects to looking within that we have considered too intimidating to reveal to Novitiates, an edict that is rarely violated. Indeed, the knowledge of the complete truth may itself create a barrier to the effort to look-within. In your case, in part because of your lengthy struggles, I have determined to make an exception to this rule.”

Judith remained silent, her legs twitching nervously.

 “While all your prior lives are an integral part of who you are today, influencing at a subconscious level all your thoughts and actions in subtle ways, what we have not revealed to you is that each also forms not only a subset of memories but also a distinct persona. Your prior lives constitute separate psychic entities until you assimilate them. Usually, when uncovered all such entities instinctively desire to be united, creating a complexity greatly exceeding your current understanding without replacing the personality, the soul that we cherish.” Emmanuelle paused, carefully examining Judith’s facial expression and body language for any indication of acceptance, or the Spirit forbid, rejection of this crucial message.

“I hear and I learn,” said Judith. It was a rote and expected response by a Novitiate, but it seemed sincere.

 Emmanuelle continued, the cadence and timbre of her voice changing to suggest the importance of her words.

 “Occasionally, a competition ensues. This may be the barrier that has delayed your internal exploration. Too many dominant personalities may be contending for your attention…or for control.”

The last was intended as an ominous warning. If Judith noticed she gave no sign of it. That alone Emmanuelle found disturbing, perhaps requiring a more explicit admonition.

“Others have suggested that accessing the memories that lay hidden within would be much like examining the souls of distinct personalities but that all would gradually merge to form my true self,” Judith said without any indication that she understood the danger which Emmanuelle had suggested. “My failure to see them has become very discouraging. I am so eager for it finally to happen to me as I have seen with so many other Novitiates. I yearn to join in ComUnion with my Sisters so that I may truly know them.”

“You must know yourself before that is possible. While ComUnion has its place, at this point it is recovering your memories of past lives that is most important. Do not focus on anything else.”

 “But isn’t ComUnion the ultimate goal of the Sisterhood? It is what makes us superior to those who have not looked within or joined in Union.”

 “Such arrogance is a mistake, my child. Always remember that we remain fully human. To consider us superior or superbeings as do too many of our Sisters is a great exaggeration and paves the road to hubris and self-destruction.” Although such suggestions of ascendancy were not entirely inaccurate, Emmanuelle silently conceded, when a critical mass of Sisters joined in ComUnion created the powerful yet tenuously maintained Overmind that was far more than the sum of its human components. Perhaps it was a fragment of the Holy Spirit, but that was speculation, not dogma.

These were not thoughts to be shared with a Novitiate.

“It is better to simply acknowledge,” she continued,” that, for better or worse, we are something new.”